For Johnnie, for Popper and Jake.

what do you do?
when the wind don’t blow/through the trees no more
and you race to meet the sun/but the sun don’t ever show
and the darkness sits/like a blanket covering your face.
people live in the shadows laying/at the edge of your eye/
people live, work and people die/and you never see them
with the blanket covering your eyes.
and you can’t see who you’re walking with/open your hand/
palm up to the darkness of the stranger’s embrace.

what do you do?
when stretched before you a road is waiting/but you see the
mud glisten/under a bed of stars and you don’t have a pair of boots/
take a few steps with the mud seeping into your shoes/start your walk/
because you don’t got all night to find/the other side of this lonely place.
your shoes are heavy and you got cold feet/you want to turn around/
you don’t think you got the guts to wait around/long enough to figure out
if the light you see/is a train or your way out.
you left your phone at home/and you don’t care how many times it rings/
because you know that you’re not gonna be found.

what do you do?
when you know tonight is gonna be the night you go/take a piece of paper to draw the map and mark the road/and you know by the time they notice/by the time they walk/you’re gonna be too far away for them to reach.
they’ll find your shoes sucked into the mud/and they’ll keep walking down that road you made/
but you left your phone at home/and you don’t care how many times it rings/
because you know/
you know that you’re not gonna be found.

30 poems in 30 days

I have to do it next month. Too sick right now. unless i get prolific enough to catch up by the 30th.

30 Poems in 30 Days: #8

Lest we forget
the way you used to smile,
like wings danced over your lips,
tickling your skin until your muscles
conceded and pulled on the
corners of your mouth,
like heaving water from a well.

Lest we forget
the way that uniform hung
from your body,
the day you were sworn in
your straight back said
‘a new man stands here’.

Lest we forget
you heels pounding to the
beat of the Highlander’s drum
and how later that night,
your smile soared,
when the band played Danny Boy
just one more time,
for you.

Lest I forget
the way your lips felt when
you pressed them against mine,
your straight back curved against me,
saying ‘more, give me more’.

Lest we forget
that our man died far from
my lips and from his home,
then visit us in the night,
scare us until we can take no more -
then I will know you’re home.

 

30 Poems in 30 Days: #7

fingers around my throat
thrust breath from between my lips.
these hands that reach into my stomach,
groping around in search of something
they can extract
have no idea
what I’ve been made to stomach,
how much hand I can handle.

#6: A Hundred Reasons I Won’t Say Sorry – Numbers 1 Through 11

 

1. I will not say sorry because I cannot forget the thing my mind saw when they told me he was dead.
2. I will not say sorry if that depresses me, it should depress you too.
3. I will not say sorry, I have done nothing wrong.
4. I will not say sorry because forgiveness should be mutual, and I can’t forgive you all.
5. Because twenty-one is too young to die.
6. Because we should all be sad that it only takes us fifteen years to convince someone their life is not worth living.
7. I will not say sorry because I will not apologize for taking up space.
8. I will not say sorry just because I am saying something. We should all be saying something.
9. I will not say sorry for loving who I love when I love them in the way they want to be loved.
10. I will not say sorry for wanting to be loved.
11. I will not say sorry because we aren’t all “batting for the same team”. I don’t care what they say.

30 Poems in 30 Days: #5

I said, “plug your ears
And drink your beer
And when you’re finished,
I’ll be finished too.”
I said, “just zone out
And think of somewhere safe.”

But there were people watching us
And there was poison in their eyes,
They had the time to find you
And they said, “Come on baby, take me home.”

Let me bring you down instead,
When I’m done we’ll all hold hands
So none of us get lost
And we know who we have lost.
There is safety where the
Snakes lay curled and coiled
Around our feet -
They scare away the bees
And hordes of people
With poison in their eyes.

Let me bring you down instead,
When I’m done we’ll all hold hands,
We’ll open our ears and drink more beer
And when you’re finished,
I’ll be finished too.
And when I’m done we’ll all hold hands
So we know who we have lost.

30 Poems in 30 Days: #4 Ode To Being

This is my ode to being
Not anyone else.
Because I love my hair
Just after it gets cut.
And I love sitting naked
In my office chair
While I blast Neil Young on
Surround-sound speakers
And add my own words
In my own voice
That cracks when it needs to be deep
And is too deep when it needs to be high.

This is my ode to being
Not anyone else
Because my dick is growin’, yea
Is yours?
And there’s hair above my lip
But I don’t need to shave.
I can listen to my rock ‘n’ roll
And learn it ain’t the end of the world
Just because I somehow lose the girl.

This is my ode to being
Eighteen when I was twelve
And twelve while I’m eighteen.
Living while I’m awake
And again when I’m asleep.

This is my ode to being
Not anyone else but me.

30 Poems in 30 Days: #3 Only One For You

I wish I had a song
By Bob Dylan,
And when I sang
I’d say,
Like Patti Smith,
“This is a song by Bob Dylan,
Bless him”
Even though I don’t
Believe in God.

I wish I had a song
By Bob Dylan,
And when I sang
My song to you
I would sound just like him.

I wish I had a song
That I could sing,
And when I sang
My song to you
You’d listen like you did
When I was the only one
For you.

30 Poems: #1 Paper Palace (EDITED)

Put me on the stand,
I need to hear these words,
You need to hear them too.
Bound before us,
Down on bended knees,
He sits and makes the day like night,
But why are we afraid?

Come with me,
I want to show you
What I have done,
Do you know what
You have done?
Innocent as sin looking
In the rearview mirror,
Our births are closer
Than they appear.

Bound before us
Is the monster that you see,
Look in his eyes and
Looking back is me.
I know you are looking
For someone to blame,
But I look at him,
And I see me.
Me looking at me,
Look at me,
Look at me.

What have I done?
The blood on my hands
Is smeared across your face,
I should be bleeding
I should be bleeding
The blood of every bleeding man.

What did he say?
What did he say?
What did he say?
They want me to stay alive
But I can’t live the
Life they want me to survive.
What did he say?
What did he say?
How do I
How do I stay alive?
He will never call on me
He will never call my name again
And how do I,
How do I survive?

Does anyone remember
Does anyone remember him?
Or am I alone
In this room of lifeless love
Shapeless love tonight?

What did he say?
I have washed my mouth out
Within these walls
I have lived my life between
The creaky floors and
Jailhouse doors inside
This palace of perfectly placed paper kingdoms
Of my family’s lives.
You built your kingdom
As I crumpled up my paper life,
Black with words that you crossed out
And 7665 fresh starts.

I can’t drink
And I never learned to drive
There is no escape,
But I can take my life.
Sometimes I think you want me
You want me just to take my life.

30 Poems In 30 Days: #2

I wouldn’t have stomped
The snow off my boots
If I knew how soon you’d be leaving.
I wouldn’t even have
Taken my jacket off.